Carpe Diem

Have been looking time passes by for weeks, think it's time for me to set some simple rules. Big time.

Bottom line, be happy and healthy. Stop comparing thing from China and US, it's pointless to begin with.

Next, confidence. Build my confidence in this lab is important. If not, who knows where I shall end up to?

The relationship between u and PI: win-win if u handle it well. u learn things that could be beyond reach in China, and PI could get some data and u both can publish paper. If not handled well, u will be looking everywhere and wasting time, PI loses some resources and nothing else. u lose.

The relationship between u and lan members: co-operation and copetetion. A little bit tricky in this one, but u have definetly gone through worse and u know what it's like when things don't go pretty.

Highest level: know what u want all the time and go for it. That, shall leave to the next time. 

Being thinking about this question a lot, for what I come out. I ditched the cozy environment in China, went through tons and tons of difficulties, came to this whole new and unfamiliar circunstances, in a different area of study, and with 2-year contract. To satisfy a little curiosity? That certainly can't be enough to make a reason, for the sake of so much trouble I struggled through. To make people around me see me differently? I am not that kind of person. So what is it? What for?

I clearly remember the days I got really unhappy about the surroundings in China and start to dream about how great the life would be in somewhere else, say, America. That pressure pushes me to learn faster, worker harder, and to get away. Everytime I stand at the bottom floor of the building of medicine, I could feel the huge wave of mania of a sick desire for paper, for money, for survival, coming from that building. I keep telling myself, that is manufacture, not science. The real science isn't there, at all. Then the chance come. I grabed it like my life depends on it. And here I am. Admit it, I escapt to this country. I can't stand the micromanipulation and indifference in that place any more. That's why I decided to leave. Is it all? Am I really that little? That hypecratical? That shallow? That dark?

Oh come on, you may say, this young man who gets the fare and still talks like the world being unfair to him. No. I have a bottom line here, I don't play this. I live my life by my heart and tell the way it feels. 

Yes, I am a little down recently. Down on my experiment, learned a lesson when things don't go the way I want, working hard can prove in vain. But, it is also a chance to really settle down and think, think about the life I came from, the life I need to get back to. Think a reason, why I am here. Think. Think the excitement I had when I know the studies I am about to make in here. Think the glorious feeling to publish a paper that I could never dreamed of back in China. Think the doors that would open if I really put my heart and soul in here and also, a oppotunity to grow up, be a man. Seems after all I still have got a positive side.

Maybe, the truth is, life is to live out, not to think out. So the same attitude as back in my groove, to live as hard as I can. 

补记一下。

今天上午回到了家里的老房子，我长大的地方。恩。老房子，老久没人收拾，是副旧旧的样子。旧家具，旧电视，旧书柜。。渐渐老去的，还有家的气息。

翻了翻老房子里的相册。原来红太阳的得名不是胡编乱造。王道。

昨晚睡觉的时候就觉得喉咙里不是很舒服，结果半夜睡觉还真是发作了，痛得不行。心想要是医院检查肯定是红一大片。不过，临行之前生一场病，对于我来说似乎也是常有的事。

发觉自己在家是不容易静下心来的。不管做什么。尤其是上网。各处点点看看。瞎忙活。

再过十天就要又一次暂别家了。于是我想，就用文字记录下在家这十天的一些点滴吧。或许，某天看到，会露出微笑，或是泪水。

早上7点45在妈妈的“怎么停水了”的惊呼声中醒来。于是，夏天停水的尴尬，似乎将成为这一天的主题。

幸好家里有储备两桶水的习惯，才不至于没水早上洗脸刷牙，没水做饭吃。

上午的阳光再次证明了长沙35度的秋老虎不可小视。于太阳同样"给力"的是，楼下的两户人家开始使用他们的钻头，窗外的运货车在那儿不知装上或卸载些什么叮叮咚咚的货物，小区里"爱热闹"的人家准时打开了喇叭开始放歌。本打算啃下09年Plos One一篇文章的我，不得不关上电脑，带上打印的版本，在多重噪声的轰鸣中，出门。

小区里倒是没什么人。也难怪，阳光毫不留情的占领了先机，不是必须出门的显然是在家中比较惬意。有三五成群的“堂客们”坐在客厅里八卦的，有做包子在屋里忙活的，有早餐点老板娘站在门口望生意的，而我，只想找一个不太晒又能坐的地方看看文章。无奈好不容易找到一个阳光下的石椅坐下，看了一会书便受不了越来越猛烈的阳光。于是冒着轰隆的钻头声回到了家。

让人头脑分裂的钻头声真不是学习的好地方。于是便点开了昨天下载的美剧，the big c的第二季。第一季结局的那场大哭仿佛还没过多久，呵呵。我真是想一个不用干家务的老妇人，在电视剧的陪伴下过了一天。那个不爽，这不荒废时间么？但是，好歹这是最爱的一线剧，放假在家，就这样吧。

快到晚饭时间，爸妈在窗口张望到有人在拿桶子提水，于是连忙拿着家里大大小小的桶子下了楼。等我下去接他们的时候，爸爸已经用扁担挑着两桶水走了过来。我想试试扁担的滋味，可是刚一挑上肩，那个痛啊。。爸爸说，得把皮压老才行。好吧。我就眼睁睁的看着爸爸挑着水走在前面。。。妈妈说是小区附近的施工队挖破了水管，才会停水。这挑来的水，据说是洒水车剩下来的。不管了，小区里男女老少就靠这过活，整个小区也在因为这难能可贵的水源忙活了起来。

吃过晚饭，又有一个洒水车开了过来，正在我家楼下不远的地方。爸妈怕明天还不来水，于是又提着家里的各种桶子下楼了。我这次终于派上了用场，提了3桶水上楼。大汗淋漓么那是，休息之际啃了块雪糕，没想到坏了事。之后再说。

今天又一次感到爸妈为了我付出了多少的艰辛，而且是完全不求回报的奉献。我无以为报啊。